Coffee Mornings, Pink Bows, Pornhub and Facebook

I'm going to have a moan. A great big over sensitive kind of a moan.
It begins with a picture that was brought to my attention from an adult site called Pornhub. Great, you may think, Pornhub are raising money and awareness to breast cancer research. I am all for that, I really am

Another thing that used to raise awareness for breast cancer was a thing called boobie Wednesday on Twitter. The lovely ladies on there would show splendid pictures of their glorious boobs all trussed up in their finest frilly bras using the hash tag #BoobieWednesday. Again, great, especially if it meant one person feeling for and finding a lump and having their life saved. However.....and this is the bit where you will probably tut and roll your eyes at me....it just doesn't sit comfortably with me. Whilst Mel B is having her surgically enhanced bosoms lovingly cupped by her husband in the name of awareness, I don't want my hubby anywhere near mine. Ok, so I am fresh out of surgery and I am all misshapen and swollen and bruised and I know that this will all get better in time. I will however be left with an odd pair, so to speak, as one now has a huge chunk missing from it. I'm also aware that, for now, I'm lucky that I still have my boob. Although a double mastectomy hasn't been ruled out yet as I am still awaiting the results of my BRCA gene test. The horrifying reality is that women do lose their breasts though.

It's psychological with me. From the moment that I discovered my lump my boobs stopped being sexy. They stopped being fun and womanly and feminine. They became poisonous and life threatening. From being breasts that once fed all three of my children, giving them the best possible start in life, to help them grow and develop and to bond us in the most natural way, they are now hurting my children. They are making my children scared. They are making my children cry. They are cancerous.

I must point out that these are only MY feelings. Other breast cancer patients may not think this way. They may cope better than me and have a different outlook all together. Some women embrace their new bodies. We all handle these things differently. It's what makes us human.

Maybe it just boils down to jealousy. Maybe I just don't want to see big lovely bouncing boobs when mine are letting me down so badly. I don't want to see comments made by men telling you just how lovely and big and bouncy your boobs are.



I'm not saying that BoobieWednesday should stop or that Pornhub are wrong. That would be like me saying that I don't like the colour red so therefore we should all stop wearing poppies. I'm just saying that I am not a fan. You get that, right?



The other thing that grinds my gears is Facebook. I wasn't a fan of this before my diagnosis and now I know why? Please DO NOT send me the email about the colour game or the fruit game. It offends me. Deeply. Putting a one word status does not, in my opinion raise awareness for breast cancer. Nothing in that status tells people how often they should be checking for lumps or other signs of breast cancer because yes, cancer doesn't just show itself in lumps you know. Also it's a secret game just for ladies, well HELLO! MEN GET BREAST CANCER TOO! Not to mention the husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers and sons who have to deal with watching their loved ones go through hell.



Breast cancer isn't all coffee mornings and pink bows. It's shit. Unbelievably soul crushing shit. Sorry for moaning x