I turned up at work this
morning in a right state. As soon as I walked through the doors I knew that
there were too many people and too many bright lights for me to deal with. I
started shaking and my legs turned to jelly. I went upstairs to put my bag in
my locker and started to feel dizzy. I knew that all of these sensations were
down to anxiety so I tried to keep myself in the situation.
As I entered the shop floor and grabbed my apron from behind
the counter, the girls came up to me straight away asking me how I was feeling.
I replied with the usual blah blah and then they started to tell me how I would
be fine, that their great auntie Doris had it and she's fine and that its so
treatable now. I fucked off home!
I know that people mean well but don't fucking belittle my
problem by telling me that I'm going to be fine. Cancer is now my life and it is
going to be for.......well, for the rest of my life.
ARRRGH FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT AND FUCK!!!!!!
To top it all off I've had a massive row with my eldest
daughter. Today was meant to be a better day. It isn't!
This time last year I wanted to throw myself off of a
bridge. I didn't do it. That was fucking stupid!
I didn't mean that. I'm not giving up I'm just exhausted and
stressed and a little bit depressed.
At some stage this blog will start to get a bit more light hearted. Just not today.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
No comments:
Post a Comment