Wednesday evening and I go to bed around 8:00pm. I kid people that I'm feeling much better now when they ask but if I'm honest I'm still feeling ghastly since my chemo, which was over a week ago. Hubby has had a letter handed to him at work as they are not happy with the amount of time off he has had and a friend of the family who is also going through chemo is going back to work just days after each session. Both these things are making me feel under pressure to do "better" at chemo.
Hubby returns to work and I go to bed. By 9:00pm I'm feeling really very cold. I don't have a temperature but I know that I'm definitely having chills. I don't feel well and I know at this point I should be calling the hospital as this is a sign of an infection. I have leaflets, carry cards and my chemotherapy carry book full of BIG RED LETTERS stating which symptoms require immediate emergency treatment. If I do have an infection then I need antibiotics within the hour especially as my body could be lacking in white blood cells.
I DON'T CALL THE HOSPITAL.
Instead I lay in bed worrying about hubby getting in trouble at work and people thinking that I'm being a drama queen. Eventually I nod off.
I wake up at 1:30am and go to the loo. I don't feel good at all. I feel very spaced out and weak. I take my temperature. It's 38.4...... I have no choice now. I call the hospital and I'm told to go straight to Stoke Mandeville accident and emergency department. The registrar knows that I am on my way and I will need to pack an overnight bag.
I call hubby, who has to leave work two hours early, to come and collect me.
On arrival at hospital I am put into a side room away from other people and a whole range of tests are performed. I have all manner of bloods taken, heart trace, chest x-ray, urine and blood sugar levels. No stone is left unturned.
After all tests have been completed, I am then hooked up to a drip and two lots of IV antibiotics are pumped through me. One of the drugs makes me cough as it goes through but it soon passes and I think no more about it.
An hour or so later and I am visited by one of the oncologists. I am told that my blood tests are showing that I am neutropenic and that I will be in hospital for around five to seven days.
Being neutropenic means that the chemo I was given last week has killed my infection fighting white blood cells. I have an infection but no immune system as such to help my body fight it. It's down to the antibiotics to do the fighting for me. I ask how low the count was and she informs me 0....nothing...oh!
I am taken up to the ward where I will spend the next few days. I am put into isolation as I need to be protected from any risk of further infection. My room is lovely though. I have a nice plasma tv on the wall, my own bathroom and fridge.
I am given my second dose of antibiotics after lunch and it makes me cough again. My palms also begin to sweat a little. I mention this to the nurse and she fetches a doctor. The doctor gives me the once over and tells me that she thinks I'm having a slight reaction to the penicillin. My antibiotics will be changed and I'm given a red arm band to wear to show that I'm a fussy bugger when it comes to medicine.
It's fair to say I'm feeling pretty awful. I feel weak, old and ill. Just going to the toilet takes all of my strength and I have still got 5 more rounds of this to go. I cry. I can't help it. I cry and I can't stop. The oncology nurse comes to sit with me and tries to turn this experience into a positive. She tells me to not think of it as 5 more to go but think of it as one done and out of the way. I get what she is saying but this one isn't out of the way yet because I still feel so very ill and in just over a week and a few days I've got to do it all again. I just want to be better.
Hubby arrives later with cards from the kids. This cheers me up no end. I will also leave you with a picture that my eldest daughter sent to me. She sent it with the message "I am papa smurf" It made me proper giggle.
And that is the reason why I'm doing this. Because I need to be around for as long as possible. For my kids.
I can do this. I will do it BECAUSE MY KIDS ARE MAKING ME.
No comments:
Post a Comment