He died of cancer.
My love of the Beastie Boys started when I was 11 years old. I heard Fight for Your Right on the radio and I thought instantly "Oh my god, they so get me"
Living at home WAS such a drag, I did wake up late for school and I never wanted to go. I didn't even know what a porno mag was but I was sure as hell that my mum had thrown away my best one.
I was one of the little shits that stole your VW badge from the front of your car...I still have it.
I went on holiday to Whitby when She's On It hit the charts and I asked the DJ to play it so often that in the end he gave me the single. He hated the Beastie Boys. My Uncle hated the Beastie Boys. The media hated the Beastie Boys and my mum REALLY hated the Beastie Boys. All of this just made me love them more.
I chose MCA as my favourite because he wore a leather jacket and then when they toured with Madonna it was MCA that she chose to do with what ever it is that Madonna does with boys. If he was good enough for Madonna then he was good enough for me.
Anyway skip forward a few years and the shocking news of his death was announced. It seemed to come completely out of the blue. I knew he was ill and that their album Hot Sauce Comitee was postponed for two years while Adam went through more treatment, but the album was released and the Beastie Boys were even inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. Adam Yauch wasn't in attendance for that but still I didn't think that it was because he was so near to death.
My auntie called me with the news and for me it was another Michael Jackson moment. I just couldn't believe it. I was gutted.
One year later and I hear those words for myself. You have cancer.
The world fell out of my arse. I fell to pieces. How the hell was I going to get through this?
The first questions I asked myself once the shock had worn off was who else has had cancer? How did they cope? I started googling cancer blogs and making friends with the authors. That helped me tremendously because I could see people going through chemo and they were still smiling, still living. This gave me the courage to make those steps myself. It's the reason why I blog, so that others newly diagnosed can reach out or know that it's ok to have shit days because the good days soon follow.
I then decided that I needed some kind of guidance to get me through. I didn't want God or Jesus. I didn't want prayers but something...I needed something.
That's when I remembered Adam and I knew he was a Buddhist. I read up about it and I liked what I found. It's not about worship or prayer it's just about being a better person. Changing the way you think about situations and letting go of bitterness and anger. I read some Adam Yauch interviews and tried to get some insight into how he dealt with his own suffering.
Buddhism and meditation got me through some really dark horrible days. Beastie Boys songs got me through to the next five minutes when I would be sobbing on the floor staring at a razor blade thinking "Just do it now Lorna and it's over...no more bullshit".....my kids were the first thing to pop into my brain and then I would blast Alive into my ear drums. That song I also played on the first day of chemo because I had never been more ready in my entire life...it had all been leading up to this moment.
Adam Yauch you are my inspiration. You are cooler than a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.
It's called gratitude and that's right!
RIP x 
